Oops.

Well, I suck at updating this blog.

BUT.

I've kind of sort of a little bit tried to start an internet business to support my baking addiction. It's called, get this:

TiramiSusie's.

Isn't that just so cute you can't stand it?

Anyway, I made a blog for that, which is getting updated more regularly. I'm posting pictures of things that I bake, along with prices.

IT'S. AWESOME.

I also made a facebook page. Check it out, yo.


http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/TiramiSusies/173856012668777

Soooo if you want to see me actually blogging sometimes, along with pictures guaranteed to make you hungry, check out my new blog.

http://tiramisusies.blogspot.com/

OR my official website, which is still kind of in the works.

http://tiramisusies.weebly.com/

Soooo. Yeah. Do that. I may eventually feel there is something about my life that I need to write about on here, but otherwise, I kind of forget about it most of the time.

:/

Love you guys!

Susie

Cold. Cold. Cold.

I HATE WINTER.

Yeah, I said it. I'm over this whole cold thing. I'm doing my best to go into hibernation as often as possible, only leaving my apartment when I absolutely have to.

The one thing I do like about winter is New Years. It's my favorite holiday. I like the feeling of having a fresh start. I like looking back on the year that has passed and thinking about the year to come. I like remembering where I was on New Year's Eve the year before, and imagining where I'll be the next year.

A lot of unexpected changes have happened since last New Years. I've got a new major and, frankly, much less of an idea of what I want to do with my life. But I've got a better understanding of myself. And for the first time, I was excited to go back to Tulsa. I didn't wait until the last minute and dread moving back. It's not that I didn't want to be home. Home is great. But now Tulsa feels like home too. Does that mean I'm growing up?

Anyway, a new semester comes with a lot of new adjustments. I'm falling into a new schedule and meeting new professors. It's going to be a really difficult semester, but I'm up for the challenge.

I haven't updated in a while, and I have an explanation. But I don't feel obligated to share it. Just know that I'm feeling pretty good. I'm surprised by the twists and turns my life has been taking, but I'm pleased with them.

As long as I can cuddle up with a warm blanket, life is good.

I'm Thankful For...

marshmallows
warm socks
America's Next Top Model reruns
a large kitchen
comfy beds
libraries
chubby babies
the color blue
pianos
Harry Potter
coffee ice cream
Ellen Degeneres
scarves and hats
Bud Light Lime
Sharpie pens
really cool parents
really cool friends
good times with really cool parents and really good friends

Dream a Little Dream of Me

I'm having one of those days were I keep having vague memories and I can't remember whether or not they happened.

It's those little pieces of dream that keep floating into my mind. And for a moment, I think it was real and glorious and then I realize it wasn't. It didn't happen at all. And then I have to sort through truth and dreams.

That's so weird, that your brain can do that. I'm so interested in dreams. What do they mean? What are they, really? I'm one of those people that tries to interpret dreams. I don't know how, but I feel like they're so tied to your brain that they MUST mean something.

When I was a kid, I used to worry that my entire life had been a dream and I would wake up one day as a baby with my whole life still in front of me. I guess that's a strange concern for an elementary schooler.

I can't really blame my brain that much for getting confused. If I woke up and realized that the past month or so had been a dream, I wouldn't be surprised. Things have been too bizarre, and often too good, to be true. But if I AM dreaming, please, let me sleep a few more minutes. It's such a good dream.

Monday so soon?

Homework everywhere! I'm drowning in it, but all I want to do is sit in some artsy coffee shop and think. I love thinking, but I like doing it on my own terms instead of on a professor's terms.

Well, if I can't sit around in coffee shops avoiding homework, at least I can bake! Seriously. It sounds silly, but I think being addicted to baking is just as bad as drugs. It's so satisfying. When everything comes out right, it's wonderfully rewarding.

I made an orange cake! It was pretty.

Ok, so maybe I need a new hobby.

A week in review.

Monday: One thumb up.
Tuesday: Three thumbs down.
Wednesday: Awkard sideways thumb.
Thursday: Two thumbs up.
Friday: Two thumbs up.
Saturday: Four or five thumbs up.
Sunday: To be determined.

What does that add up to? At least six or seven thumbs up. Try and get me down, Tuesday. That's right! You can't!

Better than what?

Sometimes you wonder what would have happened if you had made a different decision somewhere down the line.

You picture these scenarios where you did one small thing differently and you're flourishing and happy and beautiful and rich. And you picture these scenarios where you're miserable and your bad choices snowball into a total wreck. And with these scenarios in mind, your life seems kind of mediocre.

Mediocre? Is that good enough? But what about that first scenario where you're so happy and everything is perfect? Why couldn't that have happened? And you're sad because you obviously made the wrong choices. But then again, you didn't end up in that hell-hole of a second scenario. So does that mean you made the right choice?

So many choices. You could go crazy thinking of all of the things you could have done differently. How you could have been better.

But eventually you have to admit that life doesn't have a rewind button, and it's not one of those create-your-own-story books where you can go back and change your mind.

That's something I've had to do. I have to say, "Hey, Susie, you did what you did. It wasn't right and it wasn't wrong because there isn't always a right or wrong. So stop looking back and start dealing with what's in front of you."

And then I take a breath and say, "You're right, self." Well, as right as you can be when there is no right and wrong. So then I say, "You're helpful, self." That's better.

I am where I am because I did what I did. And some hard things came from it. But I dealt with them. And some really great things came from it. And that's fantastic! I love those great things.

With all that said, I'm looking forward, with those great things in my pocket cheering me on and those hard things in my backpack to remind be where I've been. What's next?