Anti-Angst

Sorry about the rather angsty last few updates. I guess this just seems to be the best outlet for things like that when I know that only a hand full of people read it. Let me think about more positive things here.



Into the Woods! We've finished the first weekend. Only four more performances to go! And then strike, which could potentially last forever, but that's alright. I've really enjoyed being in the show. It's hard for a theater junkie like me to go so long without being in something. I used to overlap up to three shows at a time. This is the first time I've been in a show since last summer. It's nice to be back.



Stephen Sondheim! Yes, THE Stephen Sondheim, musical composer and God of theater, came to speak at my school. I sat a mere ten feet from him and bathed in his genius. It was an incredible experience that I will probably be telling people about for the rest of my life. Now I just need to meet Bernadette Peters and I'll be set for life.



Summer! It's very close. This is the last full week of classes. Then finals starting next Thursday, then home before I know it! So yeah, maybe I have about two month's worth of work to cram into the next week and a half, but thats alright. I just have to survive.



That's about all I've got for now. I'll let you know how that surviving thing works out.

Disappearing Act

There is solace in invisibility. There is something very freeing about disappearing from the earth for a while. No one is watching you and telling you what to do or reprimanding you for your choices. You don't expect anything from anyone and no one expects anything from you. You don't make a difference to anyone. You can just float. It is at once peaceful and exhilirating.

This weekend, I was invisible. The problem is that come Sunday, I couldn't hide anymore and I wasn't ready to be seen again.

For an aspiring actress, why do I long so to be invisible?

Maybe I've Read Too Many Books

Do you ever get the feeling that you're not at the center of your own life? It's this feeling that you're only a supporting character in the action of other people's lives. Your problems might constitute a paragraph, maybe even a whole chapter on occasion, in a novel, but you never get your own story. Your friends' problems are more important or interesting than yours. You feel like you get overlooked. You aren't trying to just ride on the coat tails of others, you aren't trying to just get by without reaching for your dreams. But somehow you always find yourself stuck on the sidelines.

And you get tired of being the friend that laughs at the jokes or the friend that bandages the wounds or the friend that stands behind you while you make the daring leaps.

You wonder if you'll ever get to be the protagonist in your own life. You wonder when your prince will come or when you'll save the day or when you'll have your denouement.

And then you wonder if you'll always have to be the minor character. Someone has to do it. Not everyone can be the hero.

But you hope maybe, just maybe, one day your life will turn around and you'll realize your storyline does matter. Someone out there is reading and rooting for you to have a happy ending.

Or maybe that's just me.