Do You Have a Boyfriend?

So I've been noticing for the past few years that there seems to be a set of socially acceptable questions to ask people that you don't know very well and/or haven't seen in a long time. These questions vary with the age of the person being asked. Of course, I can only attest to the questions for ages that I've already been. I'm sure this trend continues through life, but I'm not sure about what you get asked past the age of 20.

When you're a toddler, you get, "What's your name?" "How old are you?" With the potential of a correct answer or being stared at blankly.

When you're in elementary school, you get things like, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "What's your favorite color?" By now, they're expecting your answer to be something coherent. As many of my friends my age still can't answer the first question, I don't quite know why they think you'll know when you're seven.

When you're in junior high, people typically just try to avoid you.

When you're in early high school, you get, "What grade are you in? What's your favorite subject? Do you play a sport?" By now, they're hoping for you to be the kid next door. They want ma'ams and sirs and they want you to be a cheerleader or quarterback. If you're not, awkward silence will ensue.

When you're a junior or senior in high school, you get A LOT of "Where are you going to college?" "What are you going to major in?" These questions get old fast if you don't know the answer yet, but once you've made a decision, it's more bearable.

However old these senior in high school questions get, they never got me quite as irritated as what I find the main question for my age range now is. Of course, I also get, "What are you majoring in?" "How do you like school?" "What are your after college plans?" (I think I'll get that one a lot more in the future) But the one that always gets me is, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Let me tell you that at least 80% of the people I come in contact with that don't know me well ask me this question. Why do they feel it so necessary to ask this? Do they think that life is like a video game that I've already completed all of the levels of thus far and marriage is the next level? It seems to me that it's kind of a dangerous question. Of course, they're expecting me to say, "Why, yes, I do!" But what if my answer was, "No, we just broke up, he's a jerk." Awkward. Or, "Well, I think I do, but he has been ignoring my calls for the past month and I got something in the mail about a restraining order." Awkarder. Or my answer, "No..." Awkwardest. Because then you've hit a conversational dead end. I need some kind of witty answer. Or some kind of retort that makes them feel like a jerk for asking. All I feel like saying is, "No, I haven't had a boyfriend for over three years. Thanks for rubbing it in. You've really helped me remember that I'm inferior as a human being for being single and have successfully reminded me that I'll probably be single and lonely for the rest of my life. Thanks."

But maybe that's a little too harsh. I'll keep working on a response. In the mean time, I'll stick with, "No..."