Nothing. I'm feeling nothing.

There are people in your life that you feel like you'll never be able to seperate yourself from. You've gotten so lost in them that you doubt there will ever be a day when you can wake up without thinking of them or look at them without that feeling in your chest or picture yourself spending life without them. You tell yourself that no matter how much they hurt you now, one day they will realize that you're meant for each other.

And you realize that you've got to move on. Maybe you convince yourself to leave it alone because absence makes the heart grow fonder, and maybe that person will realize what a hole you've left in their life. So you back out slowly. The time together dwindles. The phone calls slow. The texts disappear.

You realize that person isn't running after you. And you hurt. You hurt so badly. And you're angry, furious, at them for making you hurt and at yourself for not wearing armor. But somewhere there is this hope that won't die, this hope that you beg to let you sleep at night, this hope that they'll change their mind.

And the years go by.

Days start to appear where you wake up thinking of breakfast or of that party tonight instead of that person. Then those days start to out number the other days.

You see their name on the screen of your phone and notice that you don't feel that floating in your chest. That day, you press ignore because something else is more important.

You start to see a new life for yourself, and they aren't in it. And one day when you think about it, they haven't left some gaping hole.

And then one day, one glorious day, you see them. You look at their shoes that you once found charming, their gesture that once made you happy, their smile that once made you walk on air. You make eye contact with those eyes that once made you weak at the knees, but now, you feel... nothing. You don't feel that dreaded hope, you don't feel angry, you don't feel disgust even. You feel nothing. This is just another face in the crowd of your past. And when you feel that strange nothingness and realize what it is, you feel happy, maybe happier than they were ever able to make you feel, because you know that no matter what they do to you now, they will never make you hurt again.

Someone asked me, "Do you ask yourself why you ever liked him? That's how you know you're really over him."

I disagree. I know why I let him hurt me. In my head, I completely understand what about him made me let down my guard. And I don't regret that I did. I've learned from it.

If anyone is out there hurting like I did, there's hope. And that day when you feel that great nothingness is glorious. It's so glorious. I wish that same feeling for you.