Do You Have a Boyfriend?

So I've been noticing for the past few years that there seems to be a set of socially acceptable questions to ask people that you don't know very well and/or haven't seen in a long time. These questions vary with the age of the person being asked. Of course, I can only attest to the questions for ages that I've already been. I'm sure this trend continues through life, but I'm not sure about what you get asked past the age of 20.

When you're a toddler, you get, "What's your name?" "How old are you?" With the potential of a correct answer or being stared at blankly.

When you're in elementary school, you get things like, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "What's your favorite color?" By now, they're expecting your answer to be something coherent. As many of my friends my age still can't answer the first question, I don't quite know why they think you'll know when you're seven.

When you're in junior high, people typically just try to avoid you.

When you're in early high school, you get, "What grade are you in? What's your favorite subject? Do you play a sport?" By now, they're hoping for you to be the kid next door. They want ma'ams and sirs and they want you to be a cheerleader or quarterback. If you're not, awkward silence will ensue.

When you're a junior or senior in high school, you get A LOT of "Where are you going to college?" "What are you going to major in?" These questions get old fast if you don't know the answer yet, but once you've made a decision, it's more bearable.

However old these senior in high school questions get, they never got me quite as irritated as what I find the main question for my age range now is. Of course, I also get, "What are you majoring in?" "How do you like school?" "What are your after college plans?" (I think I'll get that one a lot more in the future) But the one that always gets me is, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Let me tell you that at least 80% of the people I come in contact with that don't know me well ask me this question. Why do they feel it so necessary to ask this? Do they think that life is like a video game that I've already completed all of the levels of thus far and marriage is the next level? It seems to me that it's kind of a dangerous question. Of course, they're expecting me to say, "Why, yes, I do!" But what if my answer was, "No, we just broke up, he's a jerk." Awkward. Or, "Well, I think I do, but he has been ignoring my calls for the past month and I got something in the mail about a restraining order." Awkarder. Or my answer, "No..." Awkwardest. Because then you've hit a conversational dead end. I need some kind of witty answer. Or some kind of retort that makes them feel like a jerk for asking. All I feel like saying is, "No, I haven't had a boyfriend for over three years. Thanks for rubbing it in. You've really helped me remember that I'm inferior as a human being for being single and have successfully reminded me that I'll probably be single and lonely for the rest of my life. Thanks."

But maybe that's a little too harsh. I'll keep working on a response. In the mean time, I'll stick with, "No..."

Lucky

So my mom and I have been looking at furniture for my apartment for next year (yay!) and found some really great stuff at a certain store in Little Rock. We spent a lot of time there last night, my dad and I went back to look today, and then we went and made the purchase and decisions this evening on a new bed and couch. We also got new mattresses for both of the beds at my house as we've had the same mattresses for a ridiculously long time and they're horribly uncomfortable. Anyway, big splurge, but well worth it.

But that isn't really the point of the story. The woman who sold us the furniture and has been working with us for the past two days is named Chase. She's 26 and really awesome. I liked her from the start and she was very helpful and real with us. As we were entering our final choices in the computer this evening, she ended up telling my mom and I her story. I'll give you the short version. When she was nine, her dad (one of the richest men in Jordan in the middle East) kidnapped her and her two sisters and took them to Jordan with him. After being abused, raped, and treated horribly because of her gender for her whole life, she ran away with her young daughter to Arkansas and changed her name and dyed her hair to escape her father and husband. She has an incredible story and she's so brave for all that she's survived. They say that everyone has a story, and they really mean it.

Hearing about surviving such incredible things really put my problems in perspective. My worries about shopping for an apartment or writing papers for finals really seems so petty. I have been so lucky in my life. I have two parents that love me and do their best to provide me with things to make my life comfortable. Although we've had a few months where we get a little nervous about paying the bills, we've never had to worry about where our next meal is going to come from. I'm fortunate enough to have a full scholarship and room and board at a good college. I have parents that support my choice to major in musical theater. I have incredible friends that I know I can call when I'm in trouble. I've never had any major health problems. Honestly, I've led a blessed life, and I'm so grateful for how lucky I have been. And I know that one day, I'll have to deal with problems that right now I feel like I could never face. But I'm so glad that I ran across Chase. It's nice to be reminded of everything I have to be thankful for and to meet someone that I could learn so much from.

Plus she was really good at designing furniture. She single-handedly decorated her father's palace in Jordan when she was fifteen. Pretty badass.

Mothers Day

I have the best mom in the world. I mean, after reading a billion facebook statuses (stati?) claiming the same thing, I know not everyone would agree, so I'll just cut the debate and say I have the best mom in the world for ME.

My mom has always been my best friend and she's always been the first person I call when I have great news or got myself into trouble or just want to talk to someone. Of course I've gotten snappy with my mom on occasion (and vice versa) but for the most part, I've always gotten along with mom. I never understood how my friends could get in such fights with their mothers when I was growing up, but in retrospect, I think I understand why we have always been so close. When I was about 10 or 11, I almost lost my mom to heart disease. After those hard few years, I've always been very appreciative of the time I have with my mom. I've been so lucky to have her here as I've grown up, and I hope she's around for a lot longer.

I'm getting to the part in my life where I really have to start evaluating where I want to go. A lot of my friends talk about wanting to start families. I'm not really sure what I want. I'm sure if I met the right guy at the right time, I would love to be a mom. And I really want to give my mom a chance to be a grandmother, because I know she would be the best grandmother on earth!

Mom is one of the most loving and caring people I've ever met. She's always been a second mom to my friends that need a little extra love and support. From saving my friends whose parents are dieting and keeping junkfood out of the house to saving my friends going through tough personal problems they don't feel like they can tell their own parents about to being a mom to my friends in college that have been away from home for a while, my mom has never only had one child. I can only hope to one day be a woman half as incredible as she is.

Love you, mom!

Hm.

I was hesitant to start this blog because I felt I had nothing of interest to add to the world wide web.

I find now that I think I was right.

But I'm now officially done with sophomore year. I'm halfway done with college. My car is loaded up and after one more night in T-Town, I'm headed home. I think having some me time will help me find some inspiration.

Don't give up on me yet! I'll get back to you.

Anti-Angst

Sorry about the rather angsty last few updates. I guess this just seems to be the best outlet for things like that when I know that only a hand full of people read it. Let me think about more positive things here.



Into the Woods! We've finished the first weekend. Only four more performances to go! And then strike, which could potentially last forever, but that's alright. I've really enjoyed being in the show. It's hard for a theater junkie like me to go so long without being in something. I used to overlap up to three shows at a time. This is the first time I've been in a show since last summer. It's nice to be back.



Stephen Sondheim! Yes, THE Stephen Sondheim, musical composer and God of theater, came to speak at my school. I sat a mere ten feet from him and bathed in his genius. It was an incredible experience that I will probably be telling people about for the rest of my life. Now I just need to meet Bernadette Peters and I'll be set for life.



Summer! It's very close. This is the last full week of classes. Then finals starting next Thursday, then home before I know it! So yeah, maybe I have about two month's worth of work to cram into the next week and a half, but thats alright. I just have to survive.



That's about all I've got for now. I'll let you know how that surviving thing works out.

Disappearing Act

There is solace in invisibility. There is something very freeing about disappearing from the earth for a while. No one is watching you and telling you what to do or reprimanding you for your choices. You don't expect anything from anyone and no one expects anything from you. You don't make a difference to anyone. You can just float. It is at once peaceful and exhilirating.

This weekend, I was invisible. The problem is that come Sunday, I couldn't hide anymore and I wasn't ready to be seen again.

For an aspiring actress, why do I long so to be invisible?

Maybe I've Read Too Many Books

Do you ever get the feeling that you're not at the center of your own life? It's this feeling that you're only a supporting character in the action of other people's lives. Your problems might constitute a paragraph, maybe even a whole chapter on occasion, in a novel, but you never get your own story. Your friends' problems are more important or interesting than yours. You feel like you get overlooked. You aren't trying to just ride on the coat tails of others, you aren't trying to just get by without reaching for your dreams. But somehow you always find yourself stuck on the sidelines.

And you get tired of being the friend that laughs at the jokes or the friend that bandages the wounds or the friend that stands behind you while you make the daring leaps.

You wonder if you'll ever get to be the protagonist in your own life. You wonder when your prince will come or when you'll save the day or when you'll have your denouement.

And then you wonder if you'll always have to be the minor character. Someone has to do it. Not everyone can be the hero.

But you hope maybe, just maybe, one day your life will turn around and you'll realize your storyline does matter. Someone out there is reading and rooting for you to have a happy ending.

Or maybe that's just me.